Dating is My Hobby

Whitney:

3 hottt dates out of 4 ain't bad. I would like to see last night's guy again. Turns out minimal touching occurred, but there's something sweet about that. I'm booked up for next week.

From the couple:

"Hey you tremendously sexy and seemingly cool as hell thing you,

Sorry it took us so long to get back to you.

what are we looking for exactly? hmmm, a lovely girl to be sensual with who we actually like as a person as well. how does that sound? I mean the physical and sexual chemistry is definately on the top of our priority list,but we also think alot of that can come from the general,personality chemistry,so.........jeeze, dont know how well put that was. does that clear it up at all?

Guess the point is that you seem like perhaps you might be perfect in all those catagories,so......."

Think I should go for the menage? Let's see, what else? I have a hottt txt-msg-based romance with this guy who likes to talk about what a great kisser he is. I have a round two with the reality TV star. I'm going to meet the investment banker again for some cuddles (according to him). I am not being slutty. I am taking this dating hobby very seriously. I'm thinking spreadsheets.

Two Things

Whitney:
I'm going to write in response to the latest anonymous comment, and I'm going to talk about my date last night. (Three this week-- one more to go tomorrow.) I believe there will be numerous intersections between the two.

I don't have an answer for when the first tactile exchange should take place. Several early touchers I never saw after the first date. A few more early touchers I'd very much like to see again. There is no protocol. It happens in the presence of chemistry/tension, which signals mutual attraction.

So what's this "something more" you speak of? I'll dissect that to mean a non-one-nighter (as you mentioned, Anonymous), but not necessarily a let's-get-married-yesterday deal either. Something in between. And here I'll say that while the Wednesday guy tried to get right in there, despite the fact that I wasn't attracted to him, the Thursday night guy was attractive to me, and we drummed up some tension, thus I totally wanted to make out with him (and did!).

The pattern I'm finding is that guys want to get it on with you if they think you're cute. Online dating perpetuates the shopper's mentality, such that "something more" is a less likely scenario than "something (hottt?) right now". So depending on what you're up for, you could get some sweet action with virtually any date you go on. If you're a lady.

All I know is that right now I am interested in muscles, and kicking some sweet arse at my job. I'm very excited about my date tomorrow night, for the record. I'm totally going to touch him way too soon.

Awkward Melting Muscles

Whitney:
I received a message from a couple who wanted to make out with me. I'm very flattered. I just wrote back. They have many stipulations. I think the man wants to watch me kiss his girlfriend.

Tonight my date walked in, straight from a happy hour. He's 3 years older than me, but didn't seem like a man. He's passionate about things, but his sense of humor is misleading. He touched me too soon in the night. With the second glass of wine, and after some time had passed, creating a rhythm of sorts, I was relaxed when he continued to keep his hand in my hair long past his comment about it's texture. It felt awkward because the mood didn't seem to define the continuation of that action, and because I wasn't thinking about sexiness or trying to be sexy. It felt nice because I am a sucker. I think he's not my type, but it melted my heart a bit that I know clearly what he wanted.

This just makes me think about being in synch with people. Even in the face of that rare synchronicity, we mustn't cling to it. Tonight I clung to nothing.

My date on Monday was lighthearted, and also included touching, but this felt more natural. Plus Mr. Monday had some pretty sweet arm muscles. I am now wondering about the muscles of Misters Thursday, Friday (pending), Saturday and Sunday (pending). I will admit here that I'm up for some casual cuddling, whether it's awkward, synchronized, muscley or tripled.

Potential Sensory Overload...

Whitney:
I have been recharging. But here's what's in store:
This week I will meet:

• A guy who was on the Average Joe reality TV series (I have never seen it, but I still think that's cool);
• A kung fu and yoga-practicing actor swankster with whom I have been flirting for a while;
• A former-lawyer-turned-pastry-chef;
• A women's empowerment shelter volunteer slash IT guy;
• A sultry mysterious fellow who had me swooning with his very original and very titillating first email (he wins for that- I was floored).

Given that there are only five days in a week, I might be double booked. This is only problemmatic insofar as I am starting a brand-new job on Monday, about which I am thrilled, for which I have been preparing this past week, and because of which I will likely be positively drained at the end of the days.

Also fun are two more prospects (though somewhat outside the purview of this online-dating centered blog), which include a blind-date set up by my awesome friend, and requests that I participate in a speed dating adventure (decision pending). Is there a need for dating blog spinoffs? I'll try to keep it focused.

Alright, stay tuned.

The Return...

Whitney:
Alright, I'm back. I can't speak for Robert, but I was momentarily blown off course, so to speak, by a really hottt dude. Said dude has since let me off the hook (Thanks hott dude! You're the best! I hope we'll be friends! Seriously.) and now I'm back on the, ahem, wagon. Or is it off the wagon? Whatever. I'm going on dates.

In the meantime, I helped my friend get up and running in the online dating world. It was fun helping to craft someone else's profile, and made me realize the subtleties people use to spin things so that they land in your mind just so. The art of the impression (both virtual and in-the-flesh), the art of keeping it real, the art of holding back, of giving in, of controlling and letting go... these all comprise many sides of the same entity that is dating/getting to know people/human interaction.

How can you not love that? And then on top of it, you sometimes get to make out! This is just fantastic.

Up-Dates

Whitney: (again! Robert, this is a tale of TWO (2) Cuties!)

• I've had an interesting e-xchange with a man who wants a secret paramour in addition to his long term, open, "healthy" other relationship. While this arrangement has interesting potential, it's not my bag. But it hasn't stopped me from e-conversing with this strange specimen. After all, the poly-amorous are people too. I'd still be interested to know how he defines "healthy" though.
• Previously I detailed the event of running into a fellow-onliner by accident. This weekend said guy emailed me from nerve, asking if he'd seen me at the new museum opening. "Indeed you did", I told him. "Now what?" He wants to know.
• A sweet young thing (a 25-year-old doe-eyed Brooklyn artist) has been inquiring after my interest in meeting up with him. In so doing, he has revealed what I believe to be a prevalent attitude in the online stratosphere: That he's going to keep looking for that special someone, but said someone's specialness is rarely, if ever, SO special that they are immune to being usurped by someone newer, specialer, more exciting.

So I'm wondering: how is it possible to make that transition to a singular focus, especially in this very young, very attractive city? With an ever-present stream of people available at the tips of your fingers via the internet (and then add-in real-time communications like IM, and web cam), how can we stop looking? What kind of person would stop you?

My feeling is that it takes a solid conviction combined with discipline, a desire for simplicity, and a readiness for commitment that is difficult to come by in this rapid, frenzied, gushing world we live in. I'm sure there's even more to it than that. I myself am still navigating the limbo, so what do I know?

And then of course, there's the LOVE component. But that's private and unspeakable and doesn't fit in with my cool and removed exo-cyber-pragmatron persona, does it.

Hearts and kisses,

Whitney

My Date Last Night

Whitney:

1. He was 45 minutes late
2. He showed up drunk
3. First impressions were sloppy
4. He wanted me to invite him upstairs

I was waiting for one of these botched interactions to occur, and they hadn't with the first three gentlemen I'd met. I overcame the dischord utilizing my optimistic approach to it all: by the end of the night I was enjoying myself and the pleasant conversation, not to mention several flattering compliments. No harm done, but I'll pass on seconds.

Some Like it Ruff

Whitney:

I was a porn star for the better part of my life, but I recently have become an attorney and am looking for a nice Jewish girl to take to temple on the high holidays. If anybody out there has any pics of dogs, please send them to me.

I don't even know where to start with this one. This is a self-profile filled with mystery, intrigue, and confusion. The dude in question also does himself the added favor of sporting a Hitler 'stache. Is he looking for his One True Fluffer? His barely legal, dog-(picture?) loving, shana punum?

May the schwartz be with you, Mr. Porno Dogman Lawyer. May the naughtiest, dirtiest, harder, faster, harder schwartz be freakin' with you.

My Universality Has Been Confirmed

Whitney:

10/5/2005 10:23 AM - hi there, would you like to chat? i liked your profile, i am bisexual and prefer being honest and open upfront

This is flattering, given that the lad has an even larger pool of humans to splash about in. Lately I've been getting advances from people of both the hetero- AND the homosexual persuasions (in real life; less so online, presumably due to the built-in search parameters). Maybe that's what happens when you turn on your heartlight.

In other news, jdate is full of stalkers and profiles that are written by the mothers of the men they portray. Let's be honest here: If I was in the market for a mother-in-law, (keeping in mind that I have my very own Jewish mother) I'd be cruising www.ExtraYenta.com. Boys, let's keep mom out of this till at least the 81st date. Seriously. Be a man! Do your own profile.

Desperately Seeking Liar

Robert:
Lying has its purpose, apparently—so says someone I met recently. Internet is rife with stories about people molding themselves to fit the unreal expectations of cultural attractiveness. Everyone has the right photo, height, waist, age, fashion sensibility, ethnicity, job, and delicate balance of edge and stability, humor and seriousness. (Except they don’t—age wears and fattens us; fashion requires money and taste, both in poor supply; and the “right” job depends on your values: an investment banker or a painter? Your decision says it all.)

So why do people insist on deceit? If the universe has its permutations, its diversity manifested in the range of people we see all over the streets, why is every profile one more attempt to appear like the next?

It’s here I catch myself having a conversation with a man who changed his age from 38 to 33 on his internet profile. He says he knows that lies are wrong but the market favors the clever. Scan all the profiles, he encourages me, and you’ll see guys well past 35, cutting off years like Anna Nicole trimmed off fat. Yes, I tell him, but the lie reveals itself; what will he do when he encounters someone he likes and their initial interaction was rooted in deceit? I tell him of my first date using the internet: a man who gave himself 6 inches of height to make up for a height inadequacy. Surely, he knew that a gay man would notice six, full inches, gone. No, no, he responds, Life beckons us to move as we must. Even job professionals encourage this: get in the interview, and you'll have a shot at the job. I’ll pass, I reply, painters are more my type.

JDate: The Last Frontier or The Promised Land?

Whitney:
I just paid for a jdate profile thingy. The reason why is that I received notification that there were 30 messages waiting for me. It felt so important! So I'm a sucker. And of 30 messages, one of them has to be a hit, right? Wrong.

The sad truth is that not-a-one interested me, especially not the guy who sent me 5 emails in a week. I would make the vast declaration that stalking is unattractive, but I'm pretty sure that it's endearing and sexy when I do it, so that can't be it. I think it was that particular email where he wrote: "You remind me of my sister." Guess what, Luke? That's gross. Love, Leia.

PS: This week will bring my 3rd and 4th dates. It's sort of monumental, but doesn't make me a dating professional. With a sample size of four in this strange, month-long experiment, it simply makes me picky.