Crazy Playboy: No Connecto
Whitney:
A guy winked at me. Then he sent me a lengthy email. He was intriguing in all the right ways, and sooo luscious. So I wrote back. And he responded with a poem about my hair. It involved pomegranates. And we carried on like this.
But something was amiss. With each successive reply, I began to sense a few things: He was entirely self-focused (Ok, nothing new so far-- I know this type.) and the exchange started feeling like a giant missed connection. Then he sent me several regurgitated versions of his past writing.
The first involved a missive which he concocted for an audition to be on some dating reality show. It was mildly offensive and exceedingly arrogant (something about how, statistically, there could only be 25 possible women in NYC whom he would consider dating, based on rather outlandish specifications...). Fine. Condescend to have a drink with me and we can talk about dating. It's a good topic. I want to look at your muscles and mentally correct your grammar while you talk about yourself.
The second, though, was the kicker. He sent a document. He wanted my feedback. He said he wrote it for that Harvard publication on sexuality run by students. It was a how-to guide for performing cunnilingus.
So I read it and gave him feedback. He had the right idea, I had several critiques for sure, but I kept my focus on the particulars-- the here and now: I am engaged in an exchange with an online guy who is a self-proclaimed jetsetter ("since he was a baby"), a purveyor of fine foods and finer women, who has sent me an essay on oral sex. I was happier with the pomegranate-hair-poem, to be honest, but alright. We'll go to third base on the 5th email.
His ego-laden response, however, erased any hedonistic feelings he might have conjured up. Rather strangely, he commented on how it was so nice of me to discuss how wonderful, charming, and witty he was. I never said anything approximating that (confused, I checked to be sure), and now he's just kind of creeping me out.
For the record, creepiness negates shared interests, hotttness and multiple academic degrees. This guy is nutso.