Whitney:There are myriad reasons why people engage in online dating. Sometimes people know exactly what they are looking for, which can range from hunting down the elusive "One", to actively rebounding, to deliberately meeting lots of people like some kind of mad dating machine... Still others are looking for distractions, for which online dating is a great choice, given its addicting and time-consuming nature.
So you make that contact. And then you meet. There's connection. There's chemistry. It's virtual and then it's visceral. You and this person either completely botch, or satisfactorily live up to, or dreamily surpass, your online performance. You decide to see each other again, or you don't. Most of the time, you don't.
Lately I've been feeling like I'm being too picky. But being picky implies that I'm actively picking someone for something, which makes little ontological sense when you consider that both of these entities ("someone" and "something) at present remain utterly ambiguous with respect to the purposes of my dating-related endeavors. I like the fact that I can generally get along with anyone, at least on the basic levels (on which most first dates operate). However, regarding second dates, I realized that pickiness is a) good and b) underrated.
I owe this realization (and subsequent epiphanies) to several validating experiences I recently had with some of my exes, all of whom I had decided at some point were worth my time:
1)Connections with people are real, however short-lived. They are not the result of anything other than the ability for two people to find a common language, a more brightly- glowing stream of fluidity that stands out amidst the rest of the hum of existence.
2)Given these connections, and their loveliness, and their relative infrequency, it's ok to be picky. Pickiness is setting a standard and refusing to settle. It was worth those two boring hours I spent with the most arrogant guy on the planet at the very least to put into perspective how amazing it is when you feel an instant comfort, a tingling rapport, a quickened lively pulse...
Maybe there is no ambiguity. We're all dating to connect. Sometimes all we come away with is a new vocabulary word. But I'm learning that I don't have to know what I'm looking for to have come to these same conclusions. If you're focused on enhancing your life, in whatever capacity, it helps to understand what kinds of people will bring to it bounty and beauty, and what kinds of people are toxic. This is why I'm dating.
Also, I heart my exes. And epiphanies are fun too.
