The e-Breakup

Robert:
My friend has encouraged me to ponder the ultimate taboo in Internet dating: the e-Breakup. That dreaded moment in an internet “relationship” where you let someone know that your chemistry is so off, unintended reactions are occurring. (Namely, you’re pissed he’s still emailing you love sonnets and asking you to divulge personal matters to deepen the commitment.)

So far I must admit that my Bitchometer has registered 9’s and 10’s for each bitchquake I emit whenever I simply cease emailing or calling. In contrast, my friend has drafted a standard email that he modifies and sends whenever his interest wanes; it’s akin to a job reject letter with all its sensitivity. Cut and paste. Move on. Nice.

Really though, the ethics and details of e-Breakups resemble other dating scenarios. When someone’s emotionally attached, no proper framing or messaging will ameliorate the pain. He will still name a lobster in your honor, drop it in boiling water, and rejoice at the sound of screaming. Also, the less involvement or intensity, the more detached the form in which you let them down. In the absence of paper airplanes, a text message suffices. An upside down smiley face? Classic.

The real concern, it seems, relates to breaking up with someone with whom you’ve have a mild-to-deep connection or a falsely portrayed connection (you might have acted romantically when all you sought was some booty). What then? An evite disinviting future dates? A straight-to-voice mail that lets you lie without cracking? One of the pull-down menu options available on dating sites that offer pre-packaged refusals? So many technological options—yet still no easy way out. What gives?